Thursday, 26 July 2012

Nothing I Can't Have Later

I'm still trying to work on the principle that right now I want to be healthy, and there's no treats that I could have now that I couldn't have later.

For the most part, I think I'm being pretty successful too. It's been a trying sort of week with all the festival / eating out / drinking challenges of last weekend, two breakfast meetings out with work and a dinner out with the Boy on Tuesday, but I'm still sitting several lbs down from where I started last week. Although the temporary dramatic loss of the weekend hasn't quite lasted, I'm fairly confident that those weights aren't too far away still as I feel like I have a bit of temporary bloat at the moment.

It's been an active week too, with lots of advantage taken of the gorgeous weather that's finally arrived - the festival was great fun at the weekend and I spent most of Saturday on my feet and outdoors. On Sunday and Monday evenings I snuck off to the coast over the bridge in Wales and indulged in some long overdue surfing .... it was sooooooo good to get back in the water!! I also went to Body Balance on Monday and circuits on Tuesday, which was super hot and sweaty. Yesterday my arms nearly fell off as a result of that little lot!!!

I also had a gorgeous visit to the Avon Gorge Hotel on Tuesday evening for drinks and food on the terrace with The Boy ... I can't believe (and he couldn't either) that I've not been to this legendary Bristol venue before - the views from the terrace across the suspension bridge and the gorge are just spectacular ... kind of nice to share with someone you like :-) We also hit up the cinema for some Batman action too which was pretty cool.

So - to summarise - a great week socially, and I don't think I've done too bad on the old eating and moving front, so I'm hopeful of being able to report another loss tomorrow.

Then I've got a massive challenge ahead as I leave tomorrow morning for a solid 3 days at a music festival in Cornwall. Eeeeep - how do I manage this???? I need a plan .... I shall be considering said plan tonight while I do my other packing.

I'm very excited though as this is my first proper festival!! Whoop this festival virgin is losing her cherry! I've also got Monday off for an extra long weekend and I'm spending the day with my lovely friend Clare for more surfing.

Hopefully for more lovely views like this at the beach ...

- Posted from my iPhone

Saturday, 21 July 2012


I have to admit that on Thursday morning this week, I was at my wit's end. I jumped on the scales as usual and they read an awful 13st 11lbs. Then they conked out completely with no battery.


Whether or not that last reading was truly accurate, I was at my wit's end: my weight was just spiralling up and up, whilst my calorie tracker said I was on target, and I felt miserable.

Something had to change, and then and there I decided that a) I needed to pull my socks up completely, don my big girl panties (which depressingly, probably fit far too well), and make a proper commitment, and b) all of the above needed to be done on a plan I knew worked .... whether I liked it or not it was time to go back to Weightwatchers.

Amazingly, the scales this morning put me back around the 13st 4-5lb marker already, which I don't think I've seen for several weeks now. Either I had the worst bloating ever, the scales were totally lying prior to the batteries dying (but I don't think so because yesterday's reading with new batteries didn't suggest that) or several days of giving tough love to yourself really helps. I don't know, and I don't care, but it really makes me want to continue!!

I'm in the mindset of nothing is irreplaceable / unique - if you don't eat it now, it will still be there another time. In other words, stick to basics, avoid any treats unless I really do have the points for them left over in my daily allowance, and try and stick as closely as possible to those daily points without allowing myself to wander.

I have a bit of a challenge today as I have a dinner out at a Chinese restaurant this evening, a big party tonight and I'm going to the Harbour Festival here in Bristol today ... but hey, the sun is shining, I'm feeling happy and I can do it!

Happy weekend folks!!

- Posted from my iPhone

Tuesday, 17 July 2012


I have just realised that, according to my spreadsheet, in the 6 weeks since I started using my calorie tracker on my phone I should have lost around 4lbs.

Instead I have put on 5lbs according to the scales this morning.


I am therefore apparently 9lbs adrift of their calculations.

Where to go from here?

Am I not tracking things properly? Is my metabolism screwed after 3 years of Weightwatchers? Am I suffering with a whole heap of bloat at the moment? Too much salt?

I'm really not sure where to go from here. Weightwatchers wasn't working for me as I seemed incapable of sticking to the points. This one doesn't seem to be working despite saying that overall I have stuck to it. That in itself makes me think that Weightwatchers had me on too few calories as my new tracker already tells me I'm skating close to base metabolic rate (below which I would officially be starving myself).

I suspect the truth lies somewhere in the middle - too much salt and "bad" food within my calorie choices, maybe a little laxness on my tracking, and a metabolism that probably does run a little slow.

I don't want to get in the habit of starving myself though - it's not sustainable, it's not healthy and it won't do me any good in my weight loss endeavours so I'm trying to figure out what to do.

I have very little free time at the moment, and am barely home to cook most evenings. I exercise 3-4 times a week most weeks. There has to be a way to balance this. There has to be because I'm losing ground alarmingly fast.

- Posted from my iPhone

Monday, 16 July 2012

Treading Water

This weekend has produced neither movement forward or backward on the old weight front. I was mindful of how much I are, but what I ate included too much takeaway. Since I was also stuck in the office all Saturday there was little or no effort at movement either.

Yesterday was a precious day off, and after a tiny, treasured little lie-in I was cheering on Hannah at the Bristol Triathlon. Is there any better way to feel like a sloth than watching other people carry out athletic feats??? I think not!

Mind you, I've realised it's only 7 weeks until I'm running the 8 miles of the Banzai Charge in Dorset, so probably best that I get off my ass and start running again anyway!!

So, after a week of effectively procrastinating, I want (yet gain!) to try and make an effort to eat a little healthier, move a little more and make a little headway this week. I spent far too much of last week feeling grumpy and tense due to to work, so would like to try and relax a little more this week and hopefully the rest will follow suit!

- Posted from my iPhone

Sunday, 15 July 2012

Holding My Breath

Right now I'm fantasising about food. I'm sat in my office, grumpy because it's after 5 on a Saturday afternoon and I've been here all day after already doing a full (read: looooooooong) week in the office, and all I can really think about is getting something to eat. Maybe Oreos from the vending machine.

I'm not particularly hungry - just grumpy. So why do I want food? I had an interesting conversation with my flatmate last night, regarding just this and we concluded that we both did exactly the same thing (she's trying to lose a bit of weight too) - when faced with a day where we've eaten quite well, we both look at the calories we have left in our tracker and think "well, I deserve that (insert "chocolate", "popcorn", treat of choice in here)". Funnily enough, we concluded, we never think "well, I have calories left - well done, I deserve that weight loss". Weird huh?

But it has got me thinking today that I really don't deserve that treat - what I deserve is a decent day's eating and giving my body the chance to divest itself of the weight I keep moaning about. So, at least for today, I'll stay away from any more treats and try and give myself a break.

And now on to the topic of today's post. I'm struggling a bit with my current dating situation and it took me until a day or so ago to be able to put a label on what was wrong. Things with The Boy are progressing, albeit slowly, and the other day I went over to his parents' house to have dinner with him. For various reasons he's staying at their house for a little, rather than his own flat in town, and since his folks are currently away - we took the opportunity for some peace and quiet in the country.

I knew their place was going to be pretty big but what I found was downright intimidating. I mean crazy massive. I already knew from previous conversations that his family was (very) wealthy but it's different hearing about it to seeing the reality. And the indoor pool. And the sauna. You get the idea.

And then there were all the photos inside this magazine-worthy house .... the perfect golden family displayed everywhere. Add that to what I already know of him and his life .... and I really don't get it. He's a successful creative and entrepreneur in his own right with a massive group of scarily cool friends, he's funny and sweet and clever with a bunch of life experiences I can't hope to match, and comes from this perfect family with a stupid amount of money. And did I mention I find him seriously cute?

So why the bloody hell, with all the possible girls out there, is he bothering. To. Date. Me????

Don't get me wrong - I know my own worth, but I just can't quite reason it out. I just feel ... inadequate ... for want of a better word. Not that he's made me feel that way ... that's all down to me. I'm competitive by nature, always comparing myself to peers (a very nasty habit indeed and one I advise avoiding) and I like to feel like an equal in my relationships, and I just don't really know what I'm bringing to the table on this one, I guess.

So I feel like I'm holding my breath, waiting for him to see that too.

We won't even go in to the embarrassing Pretty Woman moment when I was getting into my car on Thursday morning with wet hair and bare feet and their gardener wandered past and said "good morning". A. Different. World.

- Posted from my iPhone

Tuesday, 10 July 2012

All Wrong

I'll freely admit to you that things on the dieting front aren't going too well right now.

And I think the problem is time. Mostly, that I just don't have any.

Life is hectic right now - I'm out a lot, work is crazy - as an example, I went food-shopping last Monday and bought fresh food - so far I've cooked and eaten exactly 2 of the 5 or 6 meals I bought. Yep - 2.

It occurred to me this morning that I've been trying to squeeze a home-cooked healthy routine into a life that doesn't see me at home much at the moment. Result: FAIL.

I already decided yesterday that I could do with cutting out booze and anything that comes in a sharer bag for the next 2 weeks to give myself a fighting chance, but I realised this morning I also need to gear my eating and planning to convenience and the fact I'm not cooking at home at the moment. I know that's not quite as healthy, wholesome or ideal - but it's more realistic.

I'm still fighting, even if I've lost this current round, and I just need to find what works for me right now.

- Posted from my iPhone

Tuesday, 3 July 2012

The Sabotage Cycle

I'm sure I'm not the only one who suffers with this, but sometimes it damn well feels like it.

I have a good day, a good weekend, a good week and then I go and screw it up. Sometimes it's when the scales start falling, other times it's just a good day on the tracker with a healthy deficit and BOOM!!! .... a stupid decision humps it all.

I can't decide if there's some underlying reason for my clockwork like fuck-ups or if it's just plain laziness. Do I have a secret fear of losing weight, or am I trying to punish myself for some subconscious reason?

I really don't know but it's driving me absolutely nuts. I survived the weekend, I had a great day on plan yesterday and I went home, did the shopping and cooked up a great healthy risotto. And while that risotto was cooking I ate handfuls of mini Daim bars from the big grab bag I bought at the supermarket and salted popcorn that my flatmate had done to go with the film we were watching. WHHHHHHHHHY?????

It was just stupid. Luckily, I didn't have the whole bag of chocolate and the popcorn was air-popped so not so terrible and I had some calories to spare but really, what did it accomplish apart from me eating far too much food late in the evening and feeling bloated this morning.

I'm currently re-reading a load of my posts from summer 2010, when I know I was in a similar rut and I managed to dig myself out before I went to Costa Rica. I'm hoping for insight and enlightenment, but frankly I'll settle for motivation.

Ah well - so far today, so good.

- Posted from my iPhone

Monday, 2 July 2012

Baby Steps Forwards

After being away most of last week, a BBQ on Thursday night, takeaway on Friday and then being up in Malvern with the girls over the weekend, including another couple of meals out and wine, I'm very surprised to be able to report some thoughtful eating and a loss - both on my official Friday Weightwatchers weigh-ins and my new Monday ones for my new calorie app. I'm more than happy with that though!

This week sees the start of the silly season at work, so with social occasions ratcheting down for a while, I've decided that there won't be a better time to have a week of pre-planned meals and to actually do a food-shop to provide for them. After all the restaurants of last week, and my recent eating in general, I feel like there has been a dearth of vegetables in my life, so this weeks menu plan remedies that - lots of veg, lots of lean meat and fish, less starchy carbs. Lots of taste!

I'm also aiming to shake up my lunches a bit and try making some couscous salads to bring to work. I should be able to make several days worth at a time which is convenient.

Since I'm back in the office too, the gym is back on - Body Balance, 2 circuits classes and a spin class.

Keeping it simple; paring it back. And hoping to (re)gain a little more ground after my loss. Getting back closer to the 12's during the next couple of weeks would be nice.

On a totally separate note, the charity I'm going to Kenya with have confirmed that they're happy to only book my outbound flight for me, and it's not going to screw with the visas if I go travelling on my own afterwards. Work have provisionally approved a month of work ..... it looks like it's time for the next big adventure!!!

Oh, and yes Badger, this is the same guy! Who knows what's happening but it's fun finding out .... I'm invited to a pool party at his this weekend!

- Posted from my iPhone