Thursday, 14 June 2012

Life Notes

I don't know about you, but I'm a list-lover. As a life-long member of the Terminally Disorganised genus of the species, lists are like a little slice of temporary peace from my great disability. Of course, the chances of my actually doing something useful with my list are around 50% - I usually start them but don't finish - but it doesn't make me love them any less.

You see, my brain is a lot like my life ..... pure chaos. All these amazing thoughts whizzing round, but I never quite keep track of them. I have all these fantastic ideas, whether it's something I need to pack for an upcoming trip, something I want to do or a new way of solving a problem, and then like a butterfly on a flower, it's gone again.

I'm the same with goals. I love the process of setting them, and then planning how to achieve them. But unless it's very visible, and the steps are small and easy to achieve, I tend to lose interest or get disappointed. Yet another reason why I'm still so surprised I managed to lose a bunch of weight in the first place!

What I'm not good at is coordinating any of my efforts. Lists are haphazard, scribbled on random pieces of paper. Goals occasionally get written on coloured card and stuck on my notice-board, but are rarely updated. Lists are left undone. Thoughts go unrecorded. And I'm useless at journalling with any regularity so memories fade.

Recently, I've been feeling flat. Life is still fun, but the lustre's dulled a bit. The sparkle's lacking. And I haven't known why. And that's made me restless.

Suddenly something wonderful has happened though - I've gone from feeling restless last week to truly alive this week. And all it took was the acceptance of an adventure.

A mighty big adventure to be sure!

I've always been the kind of girl who is happiest having a plan. For me, the worst part of any situation is not knowing. Moving house, exams, jobs, debt - it's the limbo of the unknown that unsettles me - once I have an outcome, whether it was the good or the bad one, I can plan and make the best of it.

Recently, I've sort of been in an extended limbo. The debts are slowly on the way to being sorted, the house move is over and I'm not dating currently, and I think that the lack of big stresses or events on the horizon led to me feeling flat.

And it's funny, because having a big event in one area of my life, seems to have re-energised me in all areas.

I looked at my food tracker the other day, and realised that for all the time I've used it (about 3 weeks now) I've tracked for all but the 5 days I was on holiday. And for all the days I've tracked, I've had at least some calorie deficit on every day but 1. It might not always have been as big as my target deficit, but it was there. The scales are faffing a bit currently, bouncing up and down without deciding on a direction per se, but if there's slow progress in the right direction I'll be happy. And now I feel determined - if I can keep up the daily deficit whilst being honest in my tracking, then that should happen in time. I feel like I can make those decisions to keep going.

My upcoming trip has also reawakened my urge to plan! I want to plan my trip. And my expenses. And the new laptop I'll need soon. And my goals!! I want to plan everything. I also want to crack on with decluttering my life. Physically, I have a lot of stuff, which often leads to mess. In turn that leaves me feeling claustrophobic and chaotic in my private space. I share a flat with lovely flatmates, which means most of my worldly possessions are in my bedroom. The space where I go to relax is not very relaxing. Especially because I am, by nature, messy.

Last night, on my way home from work, I popped into Paperchase and bought a big, pretty notebook. I've christened it my Life Book. Somewhere I can scribble all my lists, my thoughts, my goals, and my musings. It will live on my bedside table where I can grab it, but I'll take it away with me too. It will be part-journal, part planner. What has been and what will be.

I'm excited again!!!

- Posted from my iPhone

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