Harrumph

I'm feeling tired and grumpy and just ... miserable today. Maybe it's the lack of sleep last night, despite taking the time to wind down and still have my head hit the pillow at just after 11pm; sleep just eluded me again.

Maybe it's the fact that work is not going well today and I feel a little over-stressed and teary, and I found a ladder in my tights after I got to work.

Maybe it's the fact that despite a week of not terrible eating at all, and finally finding the time to run and spin, the scales put me over 2lbs up from last week on Slimming World weigh in day.

Either way, I just feel out of kilter with the world and like I could happily curl up under the duvet and hide.

Being tired does not work well for me. It seems to really affect my ability to deal with life's day to day traumas.

The scales aren't working well for me either, to the point where I tiredly wonder whether I should just stop standing on the damn things and making myself miserable. Not that I should give up the healthy living, you understand, but stop judging myself every day. I don't know.

I can't change today, so I'm trying to keep a level head on my eating anyway, and I'll take the weigh in on the chin tonight. I'm just so .... frustrated. Especially as my flatmate just emailed to ask how I was expecting it to go tonight and to say that she's eaten pretty much the same as me this week and she's expecting a loss. I'm frustrated by her ability to lose when my body has mysteriously gained.

At the same time I feel a bit numbed to it, and recognise that I can't do anything but plod forward and live the best life I can for me.

And just for one final hurrah of self-pity, I'm getting depressed by the Valentine's hype that's suddenly everywhere again, and how I'm back to single and with no interest at all.

All hail the self-pity train.

I promise to get off at the next station and walk.

- Posted from my iPhone