I reaped what I sewed at my weigh in this week. A couple of lbs back on and looking at my food tracker I can easily see why. I was way over my points and all the travelling has left me tired without actually having done much that was physical.
I could very well decide to beat myself up about this, but there are positives to this week too. Most of the damage was done on the weekend - on Monday I didn't think I'd gone that crazy, and I certainly didn't give in to every impulse over the weekend but neither did I track as I went, and that is very dangerous for me. When I did sit and track it all, I discovered I was already 30 points over for the week.
Positive point number 1: I tracked everything honestly this week. I knew I was way over and recorded it anyway.
As the week progressed, that deficit got a bit bigger. It wasn't the easiest of weeks; I was still travelling for work, and staying in hotels, and honestly, it's been very up and down on an emotional level.
Positive point number 2: I didn't eat all my feelings. I felt down, and it was uncomfortable, but I dealt with it. I'm not that good at wallowing anyway, so instead I made plans for exciting things in the future, and as a result I surfed high on those feelings too. The lows were crappy but the ups were awesome.
I remember thinking at some point this week that life never used to be so dramatic, and now I realise that I must have been squashing all of this before. On balance though, without the lows you can't have the big highs and so I think I can live with it.
As I've rolled into the end of this week, my eating has evened out and I made it back to the gym for a spin class and circuits. I've even made it through a Friday night without going crazy with my whole "it's the weekend so it must be time to treat myself" mentality.
I've been reading a few snippets this week about making peace with your food / lifestyle / self, and it has got me thinking a little bit. By the end of this week I'd also noticed that when I'm doing long trips I have a tendency to over-cater, because I get scared I'll get hungry and then not have access to food. It's also high-lighted my struggle with eating at random times and not keeping to a standard mealtime, but I think the more I come to understand my fears / behaviours, the more I might be able to deal with them. I'm debating doing a bit more reading into the over-eating thing, but I'm not even sure I have time at the moment.
In summary, it's been another week of discovery amongst other things. I've been running round like a loon, and work is super-stressy (hi - currently sat in the office on a Saturday afternoon and we're not even supposed to have started the busy bit yet!), and there's been a lot of other stuff going on, but I think maybe I understand a tiny bit more about what makes me tick.
In other news, Simon and I are still talking after last week's revelations and I'm apparently seeing him next week .... eeeep, not entirely sure my head is quite in the right place for that yet, but I'm getting there.
At the opposite end of the spectrum, I got a rather lovely surprise this week when someone I work with suddenly asked me if he could ask me something personal. Always curious, I said of course, and he asked if I was single! Since he's in a relationship I knew it was something else, but apparently he was asking on behalf of someone else who works with us and wanted to know. He wouldn't tell me who just yet, but how nice to know you have an admirer! I'm not sure I even need to know who, as I've decided to stay away from dating for a while, but it was a lovely well-timed confidence boost just the same!
But the biggest thing of all is that I've been doing some serious thinking about my future. I've been wondering for a while what my next move is, and I've had it in the back of my mind that once the latest project at work is bedded in next year, it will probably be time for me to move on again, but I hadn't got much further than that in deciding what's next. I like Bristol too much to want to make a permanent move away at the moment ... I think it might be time to explore the options for working abroad though, and I've been starting to look into how I might be able to do a ski season which is something I've always wanted to do.
It would tick off several things on my bucket list (living abroad for 4 months or more, learning a language to a competent level, and leaning to ski a black run confidently) and I can't really think of any reason not to do it. I get excited just thinking about it!!
It would have to be 2013, since I'm already going to Africa in February, and have other goals and commitments planned next year, and I want to do this right, but watch this space for big changes and adventures afoot!
- Posted from my iPhone